приятно губене на време докато се образовате
ако не сте го чели
Ancient History
The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They worshiped the god Onassis, and Rosetta Stone was the first queen of Egypt. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. The first book of the Bible is Guinesses, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" Noah's wife was called Joan Of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles. The Jews had trouble throughout their history with unsympathetic Genitals. Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments. The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery".
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He faught with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 500 porcupines.
Jesus was born because Mary had immaculate contraption. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibles. One of the opposums was St. Mathew. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The greeks invented 3 kinds of columns: Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair. They looked like women, only more horrible. Hoomer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they faught the Parisians, the greeks were outnumbered because the Parisians had more men. After the second invasion of Greece, the Athenians took refuse on their ships.
Eventually the Ramons conquered the Greeks. History called people Romans because they never stayed in one place very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Medieval European History
Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the battle of hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
The Norman invasion was when King Harold owned England, but Norm wanted it. Life during the Middle Ages was especially difficult for the pheasants. The Spanish Inquisition tortured people with tongs and reg hot brassieres.
In Midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. A popular form of entertainment in the 15th century was traveling menstrals.
The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. The term Renaissance refers to the after-birth of learning. During the renaissance, people began to think for the first time. Michelangelo illustrated the Sixteenth Chapter of the book "The Agony and the Ecstacy." We don't know who did the other fifteen, but they say it was one of the other Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A favorite character in English history is Henry VIII because he had eight wives and killed them all. Henry VIII lived in a two Door castle. During his reign, the head of the church fell into the hands of the King. Henry VIII thought so much of Wolsey that he made him a cardigan.
Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He is also famous for nailing 95 Feces to the door. He ate a diet of worms and died. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Sir Francis circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. he lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the king by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote." The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."
***
останалото тук
старо, но златно...
Чел ли си "Български хроники" на Стефан Цанев??? Щото аз си търся някой като мене, дето ще ги дочете 
