Получено от френд в Щатите

[Пенчо Заека]

Company Policy
>> > >
>> > > To all Employees:
>> > > Effective January 2007
>> > >
>> > > Dress Code
>> > > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
>> > > according to your salary.
>> > > If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
>> > > Gucci bag, we assume
>> > > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
>> > > need a pay raise.
>> > > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
>> > > your money better,
>> > > so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you
>> > > do not need a pay
>> > > raise.
>> > > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
>> > > need to be and
>> > > therefore you do not need a pay raise.
>> > >
>> > > Sick Days
>> > > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
>> > > proof of sickness.
>> > > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to
>> > > come to work.
>> > >
>> > > Holiday Days
>> > > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
>> > > They are called
>> > > Saturday & Sunday.
>> > >
>> > > Compassionate Leave
>> > > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
>> > > you can do for dead
>> > > friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort
>> > > should be made to have
>> > > non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare
>> > > cases where employee
>> > > involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
>> > > scheduled in the late
>> > > afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
>> > > through your lunch hour
>> > > and subsequently leave one hour early.
>> > >
>> > > Toilet Use
>> > > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
>> > > toilet. There is now a
>> > > strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
>> > > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound,
>> > > the toilet paper
>> > > roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and
>> > > your picture will be
>> > > taken.
>> > > 3. After your second offense, your picture will be
>> > > posted on the company
>> > > notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
>> > > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
>> > > sanctioned under the
>> > > company's mental health policy..
>> > >
>> > > Lunch Break
>> > > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
>> > > need to eat more so
>> > > that they can look healthy.
>> > > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to
>> > > get a balanced meal to
>> > > maintain their average figure.
>> > > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because
>> > > that's all the time
>> > > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember
>> > > we are an employer
>> > > of choice and we are here to provide a positive
>> > > employment experience.
>> > > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
>> > > complaints, frustrations,
>> > > irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
>> > > allegations, accusations,
>> > > contemplations, consternation and input should be
>> > > directed elsewhere.
>> > >
>> > > Management

[І]

А всички дет бачкат в щатски компании са на тоя хал /макари шеговито да е посланието/.
Или като у вица за кравите и международните фирми:

"Имаш 3 крави. Продаваш 2 от тях. С парите играеш на фондовата борса, а третата крава я караш да работи като за 5. После се чудиш що е умряла"

[Semiramis]

много е готино
подсеща ме за едно място, на което работех
две шефки - едната стара мома, другата разведена
само това с тоалетната звучеше по друг начин:
"Щом аз мога да не ходя, значи и вие няма да ходите"